Finding Your Smile
By Joseph Barbarise
I remember when I was a boy, I was a bit different than most of my friends. I don’t mean just in looks (I was the tallest one) but inside, how we think. I mean we all had dreams we wanted to accomplish in our future. I remember my first dream was to be a Cowboy. I think most kids my age at that time wanted to be Cowboys. We watched westerns on TV all the time, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Clint Eastwood and of course the king of Cowboys, John Wayne. I used to dream of doing some of the things they did. I remember my dad used to take me horseback riding on Sundays on route 46 near the circle, the “Triple” something. It was owned by a man named Guy. I used to watch him ride. He could ride anything. As I rode around the field there, I would imagine I was riding in the old west and everyone was dressed like at that time. It was so cool. When I was riding, there were no problems in my life. I completely forgot about my parents divorcing, my speech impediment (extreme stutter) and any other problem in my life, at least for a little while.
My friend Vince and I used to hang out all the time. We have been friends since the 6th grade and knew each other pretty well. He had several hobbies, but the one that made him happiest was playing the drums. He was crazy for the drums. I remember his parents built a bedroom for him in the basement. Before he could afford real drums, he built a practice pad I guess you would call it. Not much more than a piece of wood, about 1 ft by 1 ft, with a piece of thin rubber stretched over it. He used to make believe it was real drums and he would play the hell out of that piece of wood. I never saw him happier than when he was wailing on his drums.
I’m a teacher now and every year students ask me about what should they do. Should they go to school 4 years, then work with a Bachelors Degree or school for 7-8 years, THEN work with a Masters Degree? Should they live in big or medium sized city? All these questions are impossible to answer by me. Each of us has a secret inside of us, one even we may not be aware of. It’s the “secret of life”, our life, our happy life, the thing that makes you smile both outside and inside. Some of us eventually find our “secret”, though most do not. Some of us find that one thing that makes us happier than we ever thought possible and have a great life from that day on. Though Vince started with drums, I believe he found his smile in California, in Napa to be exact. Whenever we talk I can hear how happy he is there, he wife, his children, his home….it completes him. It makes him the man he was destined to be, a man extremely proud of how his life turned out, as he should be.
Jimmie is one of my best friends. I have known him more years than I care to count. He is a great guy and a wonderful friend, but I can rarely if ever remember him being happy. He has a great wife, but I sensed there was something missing from his life. I think he was not aware. Not too long ago I believe he found what he was missing. Vince, Jimmie and I all served in the military together as dog handlers, and very proud of that fact. Not long ago Jimmie got the idea to make a movie about dog handlers, a real movie about we three and our friends. He asked for Vince’s and my opinion and we told him it’s a great idea. He perked up right away. I could hear the excitement in his voice. A few months passed as we and others, sent Jimmie short stories of some events we took place in and he loved them. In a little while he switched from film first, to book first, film second. Jimmie seemed to be in a whole new world, a happy world. He has now taken time out from his life to devote fully to writing his book. He is happy. He found his smile.
As for me….well, there are no more horses in my life, though I do watch an occasional western on TV. Have I found my smile? Well yes I did and thanks for asking. I found my smile someplace I almost never thought to look. I found it about 9,000 miles away, in China of all places. It was hiding in Henan Agricultural University at the Foreign Language College. I discovered it here on the day I started teaching spoken English to these students and I have been smiling every day since.
Someone once told me that the meaning of life is “one”, one thing. That thing is different for everyone and it’s up to you to find yours. Keep an open mind and never give up looking. It may be easy for you to find or it may take a lifetime. I wish you good luck in your search.
